


(You Make Me Feel) Like A Natural Woman

by ARedHairing



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: I don't think tags will help, celebrating birthdays with sparkles and crack, cock molds, oh jesus i don't even know, sparkling cupcakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:45:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1914924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARedHairing/pseuds/ARedHairing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Insert into the Molding Tube and hold until it gels…”</p>
            </blockquote>





	(You Make Me Feel) Like A Natural Woman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xtinethepirate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtinethepirate/gifts).



> I honestly, truly cannot explain this one, and I won't attempt to. Happy birthday, my favorite Pirate.

“I’m sorry,” Hotch said in a voice that made it very clear he was anything but as he started at the package in Reid’s hands with distaste. “You want me to do what?”

Reid shrugged, face flushed as he shifted the box from hand to hand. “She’d like it,” he said doggedly. She would, he knew. Hell, _he_ wouldn’t mind one either and he got to have the real thing every night. And it _was_ her birthday… “Please?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Hotch… Aaron. Please? I’ll help you. With everything.”

“There is nothing you can say that is going to convince me. Give it up, Spencer.”

Reid bit his bottom lip. He hadn’t wanted to go there, but… desperate times. He squared his shoulders and looked Hotch in the eye. “Jude already made one for her.”

Hotch froze, eyes narrowed. “Law?”

Reid nodded emphatically. “She really adores him.”

Hotch snorted without reply, but Reid, able to see how affected Hotch was by this line of argument, pressed forward. “Do you remember how long it took you to buy my Christmas present?”

Hotch’s brows rose. “It took me a while to track down a copy -- ”

“And my birthday the year before. And every single gift you buy for Jack. It always takes you forever to shop for gifts, because you always have to buy exactly the perfect thing. Every time, for everyone you care about.” 

“This is hardly the same thing.”

Reid grinned, taking a step forward and offering the box to Hotch, who merely looked at it. With a sigh, Reid shoved it against Hotch’s chest. “Are you really going to let Jude Law beat you at this? Let him give Xtine a better gift than I know you can?”

Hotch took the box, holding it gingerly away from him as he read the outside back, eyebrows lifting further at the directions. “’Insert into the Molding Tube and hold until it gels…’” He glanced up at Reid and shook his head. “This is not going to happen, Spencer.”

“Jude. Law.,” Reid enounced. “He may be good looking, but,” Reid spoke up to be heard over Hotch’s derisive, unprintable comment, and cleared his throat before continuing. “ _But_ you know it’s a matter of quality. Of the perfect birthday gift.”

“You’re attempting to cater to my ego.”

“I am,” Reid agreed. 

“But you do have a point.”

Reid bit back a smile. “I usually do.”

Hotch sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I can’t imagine that many irregular lumps would be pleasurable for her.”

Reid’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Lumps? I don’t think he has any…”

“You know,” Hotch said, snaking an arm around Reid’s waist, dropping a kiss on his mouth and smirking. “Consequences of the nanny.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've been told it's, yanno, fairly clear what the gift is, but in case it's not, feel free to click [here.](http://www.empirelabs.com/products_myod.php) Link is **NWS**.


End file.
